If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who died my cat blue again?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
