guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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