D3 body, D1 cock
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize