You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
