your parents love me but you hate me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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