oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize