I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
