i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
