My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
