If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
