he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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