I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
