Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
