I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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