I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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