I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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