I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
