a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
