his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
