Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize