i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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