u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize