Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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