I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize