as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
