Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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