We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize