maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
