I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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