he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize