So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
