i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
