yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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