Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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