Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is Oprah even human
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
