Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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