No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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