She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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