I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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