So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize