CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
