i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
