Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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