I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize