Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
