Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
