Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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