Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
