Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
