You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The power of my boobs compel you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
