my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
