i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize