Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
