My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize