No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
