A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
