respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
