new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
