i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
