You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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