i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
