so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
