The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
