2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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