I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
