you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you never un-have a 4some
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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