Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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