You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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