i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
