You really coming over, don't trick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
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