why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
