Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
