I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
