AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Michael Bay diarrhea
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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