Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
