its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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