i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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