Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
