We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
