i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
