you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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