the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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